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La Vie en Rose

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The Picture above is from one of my favorite movies ever, Sabrina

Sabrina : No one ever stops... The whole place. And it's like everything is asleep... and... I used to walk everywhere in Paris. I used to walk from Montmartre down into the center of the town. Along the Seine there is a 4-mile wall that goes from Isle Saint Germain to the Pontde Bercy. Takes you past all the bridges of Paris, 23 of them. Then you find one you love and you go there everyday with your coffee and your journal, and you listen to the river... I found myself in Paris.

It seems as though every time I find myself listening to La Vie en Rose radio on my Pandora, I tend to have a lot on my mind.

Today, this is particularly true as I find myself sitting in Starbucks (the usual) listening to La Vie en Rose radio and contemplating my future. I lose myself in the haze of caffeine as it travels through my veins.

I've been sitting here for the last two hours or maybe more, just writing. Letters to myself, allowing me to put my thoughts and feelings down into words. I sat here and wrote four pages of the thoughts going through my mind, the hours go by like minutes. I look up only to see the people sitting across from me replaced by another couple drinking their cups of coffee. How, I wonder, is it that I can become so enthralled by my writing that I become oblivious to the happenings around me. It's kind of a crazy thing to think about, but I suppose that's just the way I am.

If only I could share my thoughts and feelings with you, but however much you might might like to know what's going through my mind, I would be far too naive to express my true self on here the way I do in my many, many letters.

Sometimes, when I look back through what I've written I surprise myself with the way my words form so perfectly, flawlessly without my even noticing. It surprises me so, and I find it comforting to read the words I use to express myself, almost as though I am an outsider looking in. For that short moment, able to take a breath and gain insight into the depths of my mind.

This sure is some heavy stuff for a Sunday afternoon. But no matter, what can you be other than yourself? Writing is an awfully wonderful thing, in every type of way, writing is my stress reliever and words are my muse, never ceasing to amaze me with the way they can express the way I truly feel.

The picture I included above is from one of my favorite movies of all time, Sabrina. I also included a quote from my favorite scene in the movie, I feel like it goes right along with me and the way that I am. To "find yourself in Paris," how wonderful would it be to do just that?

I suppose that's all for now, my hands are starting to hurt after all this typing.. (:

Love,

Madison

p.s. remember not to change for anyone but yourself.

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Fashion.

"Never, ever confuse what happens on a runway with fashion...A runway is spectacle. It's only fashion when a woman puts it on. Being well dressed hasn't much to do with having good clothes. It's a question of good balance and good common sense."

- Oscar de la Renta

Last night was the Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Everyone who is anyone was there. The dresses were fantastic and the exhibits were even better. I of course was not there, fifteen years from now I hope to be writing to you about the wonderful night I had at the Met Gala, but for now I will live vicariously through Mario Testino's pictures on Vogue's Instagram. Mario Testino's pictures from the Met Gala offered a one of a kind, behind the scenes look at the royalty of Hollywood and the Fashion World. He was able to capture unique, candid shots of the stars in attendance and he did it with such an artistic touch that it made me feel like I was there.

Visit http://www.vogue.com/tag/event/met-gala/ to see more great shots and slides from the stars in attendance.

I suppose that is all for today. I will leave you now as I go back to daydreaming about gowns and shoes and the wonderment that is the Met Gala.

Love,

Madison
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What if

That simple feeling of disappointment.

You wonder, “when will this feeling go away” or “how do I just let go?” Everyone tells you to “just move on” or “forget about it.” It’s not as easy as it sounds.

Why do we allow ourselves to be disappointed? How exactly does one become disappointed? Expectations. We place expectations on the people around us, the ones we love. Yet, for some reason someone, somewhere will always fail you. That’s quite the unsettling feeling.

Why do you and I allow others to creep in and explore our hearts and minds openly? Is it supposed to be this way? Are we supposed to allow others to do this “barrier-free?” Or are we supposed to keep some walls up? Who has the answers to these questions? Anyone, anyone at all?

I think it depends on who we are talking about here. If we are talking about your future spouse, the love of your life, then by all means let those walls down and allow a deep bond to take hold. A best friend? Yes, let those walls down. Everyone else? I guess we are just supposed to place it under the “to be determined” category. So now what? How do we know if that boy you just met is supposed to be “the one?” You don’t. You may think you do, but there’s no way to be sure. We don’t know what the future holds. So we go off of faith and trust. Do you love him? Yes. Do you trust him? Yes. Well then, I guess that’s it, go ahead and let those walls down, right? I mean, I guess so. (Ha, not very reassuring if you ask me..) I don’t want to seem pessimistic or anything, but what exactly are we supposed to do? How are we to protect ourselves?

I guess that’s where we come to the road with the ultimatum: either let down your walls and risk getting hurt, or leave the walls up and never truly connect. So what do you do? I guess it sort of depends on the person. I can think of three boys where this type of situation came into play. Boy A came into my life inexperienced at love and naive, but very much ready to feel love. Boy B came into my life fully in love with me, somewhat experienced with heartache and ready to be together forever. Finally, Boy C came into my life, experienced with love and experienced with heartache, unable to let down his walls and unsure of whether he wanted love or not for fear of being hurt yet again. What do I do with these boys? Would you believe me if I told you they were all the same person? Because guess what, they are. He is all three, and at different points of our relationship I have been introduced to each of the three through him.

Can you see my dilemma? I was ready for love in the beginning, naive and inexperienced but very excited. Then we had let all of our walls down, was there anyone who knew me better? I don’t think so. And then, it ended. Everything was different, and I was a completely different person, or so I thought.. Surprisingly, he came back into my life. However, now things have changed, our walls are back up and we are afraid (some more than others). How do we go on?
This is the question: what do I do now, do I let my walls back down and risk being hurt yet again? Will he let his walls down too? What if there’s a third party involved, people who are shaping his decisions. Do I take their words personally? (It’s hard not to..)

If someone else were asking me these questions, I would tell them to “be strong”, “don’t allow him to take control over you”, “wait it out”, and “just have patience.” “If it’s really meant to be then it will be”, no matter what anyone else says. But when people tell me that, I tell them that “it’s just not that easy”, you can’t just stop being afraid, or worried about what is going to happen next. How do I take my own advice? How am I supposed to let go? I know that’s what I want to do (at least I think I do) but how do I actually do it? Can anyone tell me?

I guess there’s no real solution or clear cut answer. What now? What’s next? Does anyone know? (I mean, besides God) I don’t think anyone can truly decide for you what you should do or how to navigate such a situation. You have to decide for yourself. Ask if this journey is worth it? Someone very important to me once gave me some valuable words of advice, “it only hurts so bad because it felt so great when you were together.” Is it worth it to experience the love now if you know you may risk feeling pain later?

I guess that’s really the deciding factor. Do you love that person enough to experience pain because of them later? If the answer is yes, then continue on. Let your walls down and let that person in. If the answer is no, then now you know. It’s time to move on. Life is about taking risks and making memories with the ones you love. If you don’t have that, then what do you have?

That’s all for now.

Love,

Madison

p.s. What if he’s the one that doesn’t end with pain? Maybe he will be your forever.. I guess life is all about the “what ifs”..♡
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Monday Blues



It's been a while, friends. Sometimes I get so busy and caught up in the swing of things that I forget to write. It has been exactly two months since my last post "Baby it's (still) cold outside" and I am happy to report that it is finally warm again.

Today is a Monday and I can't help but think that maybe I've caught a case of the Monday Blues. Here I am with two weeks left of high school and only fifteen days until the beginning of the rest of my life. Somehow I've found myself getting quite sentimental lately. Surely that's only normal with such a huge transition happening in my life. How strange to think that in two weeks I will never see some of the people I've seen everyday for the last three years. But then again, this isn't the first time I've made such a transition. I have moved and completely started over nine times and counting, and that really isn't so different than graduating from high school.

This year has been so great, so full of emotional changes and new experiences. I have become so independent and I couldn't be prouder of myself. Sometimes time is what it takes to heal your heart and allow your mind to grow and explore. My senior year of high school is one that I will never forget. It's strange this new feeling of confidence that I have, this urge to explore and meet new people. I feel like an adult, it kind of just hit me and one day I looked up and realized that I finally have a clear mind and an open heart.

Another thing I wanted to share is a feeling of gratitude. Many people who know me know that I have moved many times and attended many different schools. It's hard as you grow older to transition so many times the way that I have, however, I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to live in so many places and meet so many people. I would like to think that I have more best friends in more states and countries than any one that I know, and that is just something that makes me unique. When I was younger I would get so angry with my parents for moving me all around so often. I never felt rooted in one spot, because just when I got comfortable they moved us again. My dad's job was the cause for this and we supported him because it was the best move for our family as a whole. Many times I can remember being jealous of my friends who had known each other their whole lives, falling in love with the boy next door, or the boy you've been best friends with since you were little was my fairytale dream. But here I am, about to leave all the people I have spent the last three years of high school with and I am able to watch my friends from all over as they experience the same transition that I am experiencing. It's a funny thing the way life works out, but it always seems to do just that. It always works out. The future may seem uncertain and even a little scary, but I know from experience that when you look back on those rough moments in your life, you smile a little because you see how much you grew from that experience and how it led you to something so much greater.

I could not be more thankful for the people I have met throughout my life and how each and every one of them has shaped me in some way.

Now, hopefully I can be done with all of this sappy stuff, because all I really want to do is go out and meet more people and share their stories. I have had this unique opportunity to share my own story, and I believe that everyone no matter who they are has a story to be shared.

I suppose that's all for now. Hopefully I won't stay away for too long this time. It sure has been nice catching up with you, my friends.

Love,

Madison
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